Discernment: Week 2

Tonight's Bible Study was taken slightly differently and one of the main take backs from it was about this idea  of our relationship with God. The main way we treat and see God (Father, Best Friend, Guide) is an indication of what we are inclined to. For instance, in my case, I see Him more as a friend above the rest. This would be an indicator of how I treasure my friends and how important these type of relationships are to me. I guess I have always treated friendships as something close to my heart and sometimes, it will be extremely painful if I do lose a friend who is close to my heart. 

This made me reflect about the what ifs in my life. What if one day, I had to choose between God and one of my close friends? What if I had to give up a friendship? And this made me wonder, would I be able to do it? Maybe not. But the first thing that came to mind was the book of Job. You see, we all know and understand that the Book of Job talks about a Godly man going through difficult times and how we was encouraged by his friends and loved ones to deny and curse God. Yet, he stood his ground because he truly believed in Him and loved Him no matter what circumstances he was in. But what most people don't know is what was recorded in the Bible with regards to what his friends (Bildad, Eliphaz) said to Job which may have seemed harmless to them but was pretty harmful to Job's faith. They made him question his own God and said things like, you are sinful therefore you went through all the hardships, etc. Yet, through it all, Job was able to stick close to his faith. Funny thing was, he did doubt and there was uncertainty in his heart but it did not stay there for long. I guess this teaches us that our paths are guided by the Almighty Father and there may come a day in which we would possibly need to give up our friendships. Though I may pray that will never happen, it is always a possibility. May what I do continue to be pleasing in His sight :)

People by my side

The upcoming week is gonna be one that is filled with a lot of action and beyond the glitz and the glamour, I want to take the time to thank the people who have been there for me one way or another. For some, I have known them for years (almost my whole life), others, I have known for as short as 1 year. Whoever you are, you have changed my life one way or another. 

On to my first group (No order of merit)...

So yesterday was the Founders' Award Presentation Ceremony and it gave me the opportunity to reflect all that has been done with this batch of Boys and it made me look back on the things that have happened. It then brought me back to Friday's Bible Study Discussion where we talked about regrets and whether we should or should not have done certain things and it made me question, Could I have done more with this batch of Boys? Could I have change more lives if I had put in more effort? Unfortunately, the answer would always be a resounding "YES".

When it comes down to mentorship, we will ALWAYS have regret and we will always look back and say that things could have been better. But, I believe that that is what makes mentoring all the more fulfilling. Mentoring isn't so much about doing the best action or being the perfect mentor. Mentoring is about giving and taking. We give to the people we mentor, through our everyday behaviours, actions, attitudes and words. We take back the lessons we learn from each and every experience we have with those we mentor. Trying to achieve a perfect mentorship is delusional. Instead, we should aim to be good mentors. And this batch taught me this.

In 2013, when I completed my role as a COS, I thought that I was done. I was ready to hang up my Uniform (the dark blue one) and move on. Something compelled me to return, something in me made me come back. It was the Presidents' Award. It wasn't the people I had been with for 2 years who made me want to come back to serve. It was the award (as mentioned in my previous post "Thinking back about the Old BB Days". But as I walked a different journey in the last 2 years, this group of Boys showed me many things and taught me much about myself. Whenever I was too focused on the award, they brought me back down to Earth. They showed me that I, just like them, had much to learn. They shared with me their individual troubles (sometimes this required a bit of probing) and I did too, with them. They showed me that I could not be a leader who would just simply talk and not do (as I often did in the past and may still do so today). They showed me their passion and I'm glad they did.

There came a point in time in the journey when I realised that not everything I said, would result in them following it or simply taking my word for it. This showed me that I needed more than just words. I needed wise words that could be followed. Through this, they trained me to be more observant, a greater critical thinker and more empathetic towards those around me.

All the small and brief interactions with each one of them (some, more than others) showed me that each and everyone of them was unique in their own ways. Even when I fell short of their expectations, they carried on and walked with me. I am truly proud to say, that they have made a deep impact in my life.

At the end, I will say that my journey in the last 2 years was not once, smooth-sailing. There were ups and downs the whole way but yet, I wouldn't have had it any other way (as cliché as it sounds) I believe I learnt more from them (about myself) than they did from me and I pray that even as they soon enter a new stage in their lives, they will not only focus on being great mentors but also to be even better learners. Thank You for teaching me so much.

The Hectic Week

It was one of the most straining weeks I have had in the year, and yet, I could feel the Lord truly working in my life and guiding me through. 

Allow me to explain the events which have occurred:

I led worship for the very first time for Youth Sunday and it was an interesting experience and it allowed me to take the time off studying and preparing for Mid Years to truly focus on God and the experiences that came with my every day life. After that, it was back to preparing for Mid Years. After Mid Years, on Wednesday, the remainder of my family returned from USA.

The last week was interesting because of only one reason. I tried to live my life differently for the week. I promised myself that, everyday, I would start the day by praying in the morning, ensuring that I would dedicate the day to the Lord and remember that no matter the events of the day, good or bad, I would be able to honour Him. I did so because after typing out my previous blog post, I realised it was time to follow through with the things which I talked about. As such, I made a conscious effort to dedicate each day to the Lord before it started. But this made me think, why did I have to make a "conscious effort" to dedicate it to the Lord? What was stopping me from making it a priority so that was something that was a "thought of the week" kind of thing.

Next, we move onto Mid Years. As usual, any Exam for me has always been disastrous for me. I have never come out of any Secondary School/ JC Exam thinking: "Oh Yeah! Definitely A" However, the examination this time felt different. Besides the fact that this was probably one of the hardest examinations I have ever taken (Let's not harp on it any longer), it was probably one of the most "comforting" examinations I have ever taken. Not the paper. Definitely. It was how I took the papers. It truly felt like God was guiding me every step of the way. He never told me that I would definitely get the A but the thing which resonated in my mind throughout the 3 days were,"I will be with you". I was fine with that. It meant that I would probably not get the best grades, or may even be required to go for extra classes but it showed me that through it all, He was with me. I don't think that magical A Grades will suddenly appear if I don't put my best into it (Not that it won't happen. Just. Unlikely). But regardless of the result, I know that He was with me. I have started to show my frustration with my results when my Math Teacher made us redo our Math Paper in class on Friday (Despite not even getting the paper back) but I guess, it's time to be a little more thankful rather than angry with the circumstances.

And then, it all ended with Parade and Bible Study on Friday. I was supposed to go back to pick up something from one of my Boys (my friends find this weird because it sounds odd) and to my surprise, he gave me a nice chocolate and a really thoughtful note. Allow me to give you the context: I was the Primer In Charge of his Batch (Secondary 4 Batch'15) and I was in charge of him as one of the batch members. I struggled in mentoring and guiding him because I was constantly over-aggressive, harsh and extremely unforgiving. And yet, yesterday, through his actions, he showed me a lot about what the BB has done for him despite all that has happened (Situation was rather complex). It reminded me why I was serving back in the BB and what compelled me to continue my journey and the reason was simple: I was changed spiritually, somewhat physically and emotionally through the whole programme and I wanted to give back.

After that, it was Bible Study and it was one of the most thought-provoking discussions we have had thus far. We are studying the Book of Discernment by Henri Nouwen and we talked about many things. We then went on to the topic of the Joy that we can find in the Lord. And I realised that, from Psalms 51: 12 which states:

Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

I realised at that very point in time that much of sin in today's world is largely caused by the inability for us to find joy in the Lord. We seek popularity, sex, and many other worldly things to make up for the joy which we think is missing in our life and yet, in front of us, the joy of the Lord, of what He did at the cross, has been there the whole time. It was a great reminder for me.

This week wasn't easy. But I wouldn't have had it any other way. Praise the Lord!