A milestone completed

These past 2 years have been rather impactful. These 2 years showed me love, compassion, empathy and understanding, values which I thought I understood before entering ACJC but was surprised to find out that I did not possess them. 

The teachers have shown me that the life we live should be directed to serving others, not just to be inward looking and focused on oneself. They showed me that even in the most difficult situations, they were able to look past their students' faults,  disrespect and aloofness and carried on with their jobs. Perhaps there were times I lost faith in my teachers, but that faith never totally went away. They showed me to believe in myself even when I didn't think I could. They carried me through what seemed like hell. 

The friends. They are a whole different affair. I never had best friends in Fairfield and I never understood what it meant to have best friends. Often, I simply hung out with a clique but never had a specific person to go to to share my greatest pain and challenges. In AC, I found them. They showed me that even in the worst of times, they would be there to listen to my worst heartache, though definitely without their own judgement and perspectives. They didn't look past my weaknesses because that's not what true friends do. They pointed it out to me and allowed me to learn from each experience. 

We always talk about how our alma mater may have been more than a school and how we came in hoping to "receive an education" but "received so much more". Well, instead of simply stating it, let me tell you what I received. I received teachers who were patient, when they didn't need to be. I received friends who stuck by my side and showed me my wrong, while not just criticizing it, but instead, worked with me on these issues. I received friends who rejoiced alongside my victories, comforted alongside my difficulties and endured the hardships alongside me. 

 We made it through 2 years of Junior College, which seemed much like an endless road of hell but we made it. We did it. We completed our 2 years in ACJC. I never thought I would complete these 2 years so quickly and yet, I did. Through God's countless blessings and never-ending providence, I did it. Truly, To God be the Glory:)

Politics that divide us

In the past 3 to 4 weeks, I saw what it meant to be "involved" in politics and to understand, as a non-voter, a youth and most importantly, a citizen what people meant when they say that the General Elections are not a "game of cards" (As the late Mr Lee Kuan Yew put it). Initially, I was shy and rather reluctant in sharing my personal views on matters despite having strong views. After one encounter with one of the posts shared by one of my friends on Facebook, I decided to weigh in on the matter. From there, I continued to comment and then moved on to sharing links of blogs consisting of certain political views I shared or disagreed with and proceeded to add my commentary. Last but not least, I shared my long essays on Facebook (which I do apologise for if you did not like such long posts).

Yet, I had a few observations which I had to share and put up on my blog. 

First, as I begin to share more and more on Facebook, I became more and more passionate about by beliefs. However, as passion grew, so did irrationality. I begin to only look out for posts that seemed to argue for the side of PAP (being a firm supporter, though not blindly supporting, I hope). Posts from that of The Online Citizen were often ignored and I would try my best not to post anything against the PAP (though I did post a few eventually). I had my bias, it clouded my judgement when I look back now. I could have chosen political discourse (whilst taking my political stand) and yet, I chose political bias. I observed people I knew through Facebook, post rather irrational and rather anecdotal experiences that seemed extremely bias, often in the hopes of swinging votes to the their side (though to no avail). I also saw passion which became uncontrolled and irrational. I saw that in my posts. I realised that for many (not all), when it comes to politics, much of it is choosing one camp/ school of thought or the other. There was no middle ground, for many people. And I looked back on all that had happened this year; The Passing of our Founding Father, SG50 Celebrations and then the elections and I wondered, "How could we be so united, so joyous and yet, so divided and unhappy all in one year?" This didn't make sense. We came together as one during the Passing of Mr Lee Kuan Yew but when it came down to the elections and the 2 weeks of campaigning and rallies, Singapore became rather vicious especially on Social Media (not excluding myself from this classification). The question that rang most in my mind was this: Why is Politics so divisive? We can't say that Politics is like that so we should just accept it. It didn't make sense.

Second, I kept seeing this common theme popping up in manifestos and news reports all over social media and mainstream media. This theme was about the involvement of the youth in politics. In the Workers' Party manifesto, I clearly remembered that they recommended that the voting age be changed to 18 to allow greater political engagement of the youth from a young age. I am not here to tackle the suggestion (though I do have my personal opinions on this) but I believe that this theme was not a justified issue. There was simply no evidence that youths were not "politically engaged". It just seemed like a simple over-generalisation that, because youths don't seem to be posting much about it or seem to be talking about it much, so, they aren't interested. I think this is similar to the same name-calling of our generation of youths as the "strawberry generation"; soft on the inside, weak and unable to handle pressure. I know youths who are interested in the issues of politics but do not seek to talk about them, in fear that their views may seem over-simplified, or form arguments that are not at the level of more mature thinking. I think, encouraging them to take part in this discourse is more important than saying things like what was written by, surprisingly, a 16 year old student in the Straits' Time Forum "Youths interest essential in future"

Last but not least, I saw the nastiness of some politicians and netizens with their comments and statements that they made which were inappropriate or had no value-addedness; even after results were out. During the first telecast of the discussions between representatives of each party, Lawrence Wong came out and (intentionally or unintentionally) attacked Chee Soon Juan, regarding his past and this created a stir. Sim Ann did the same thing in her rally speech and it didn't add any form of value to the discussion during that time which was about the different party's policies (absolutely irrelevant in their case). I discussed this with my dad and he shrugged it off with the statement, "This is Politics." But my reply was a simple one, "No, this is the Western view of Politics that we have chosen to subscribe to." Another instance was a statement mentioned my K Shanmugan when asked about why PAP did so well in this election and he said "The Singapore public, they are very discerning. You can't hoodwink them. You can't leave a lot of questions unanswered on the table and go to rallies and say, I have answered all the questions" I don't know whether he meant it in the way people understand his statement but I felt that he was implying that the Opposition (particularly the Workers' Party) had deceived voters. It was a strong word and perhaps, not suitable to many especially since it came across as arrogant. 

All these observations showed me a few things. We, as a nation, have shown to come together and have recently, shown to be more loving and kind. We can do it and it is not something totally out of reach. And yet, we selectively choose when we want to be nice and kind which is something we should try to move away from. How, then, should we take part in political discourse 5 years from now? The answer is simple. Treat others with respect both on and offline, understand their point of view (as I have had the pleasure of understanding from my Facebook Friends) and take every opinion with a pinch of salt. The solution isn't to selectively read because we will read sources that are bias. Instead, we should read EVERYTHING understanding that the person who wrote it, is bias. 

In the Prinsep Street Facebook Group, I was extremely inspired by the message of Reverend Darryl which reminded me of the responsibility that we had as citizens as well as Christians to vote in leaders who we believed would be able to best "bring[s] about a society that promotes peace, stability, godly values and righteousness." I will leave you with the last part of his message for us below and hope that this will remind us that we stay united as one people regardless of our political views

"Regardless of the outcome of this General Election, Paul reminds us in Romans 13:1 that, “Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.” Further in verse 7, “Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.” This is a remarkable exhortation, for Paul was calling first-century Christians to submit to the Roman rule – which was effectively totalitarian and oppressive – and to respect and honor those who ruled over them." 

People who develop others

As the General Election approaches next Friday, social media is filled with posts from the different political parties. But, today is an important day for a particular group of people, perhaps more important than those who are campaigning. It is Teachers' Day. Teachers' Day is the celebration of the efforts of the people who have not only taught us the very content that we will eventually forget but also the life lessons that we will never forget.

Since Primary School, I have always been that one annoying, naughty, mischievous and probably one of the most difficult students (probably still am) and I was never an easy kid to handle. I will remember the days, I almost got stripped of my Prefectorial Position in Primary 6 because I bullied one of my classmates (on hindsight, I now understand the gravities of my action. Sorry Christopher and Ms Samsinar) and that was one experience I will never forget because it was instances like these which brought me to a new low every single time such an event occured. But these "lows" didn't stop. It got worse and worse. In Secondary School, I was asked whether I would like to step down from Council because I had been disobedient and rude to one of my teachers (it seems like I have a thing for being stripped from  Council). In Secondary 2, I was called out by my form teacher (Mrs Oh) almost every lesson for being disruptive and Mrs Oh would find either one of my BB Teachers to complain about my behaviour and how I was not willing to change my ways. But these bad experiences were what resonated with me and will continue to stay with me for the rest of my life. In my Presidents' Award Interview, one of the panellist asked me why I wanted to become an educator in the future and my simple answer was, I wanted to change lives just as my life was changed by my teachers. I had described my poor attitude back in Secondary School and showed nothing but disrespect to my teachers. 

Yet, they didn't need to continue to change me because at that point in time, I was beyond hope. But it was the patience that they possessed which struck me. They had no reason to care. It was outside their pay cheque to change my life, it was beyond their duty. And yet, they did.

Teachers go beyond the classroom. Sometimes, they change your lives totally.

Everyday, I feel a calling into education, not because they were nice to me or because they taught well but because, they were strict and ensured that I cultivated a set of values. Often, we, as youths are disgruntled by everything under the sun. Teachers who "don't teach very well", teachers who "don't care" or teachers who just "don't seem sincere". I have said such things before. But I realised that on hindsight, when I look back, every teacher has had made an impact on my life, some more than others.

Teachers don't build our castles for us, they provide the materials, the guidance and encouragement to do so. They let us decide how we want to build our lives but never unnecessarily interfere in the process. Let Teachers' Day not just be a day where we give thanks but let us take every opportunity to look back and see who helped us to build ourselves when we were not able to do it on our own and I am truly thankful to God for delivering all of my teachers!

To all teachers/ educators out there, the work never gets easier, dealing with students and now, parents. But press on! For the work is indeed meaningful, with perhaps little return for you but know that the returns will only be seen 10, maybe 20 years down the road. May God keep you and Bless You

Surviving a necessary week

I have been pretty busy the last few weeks, preparing for Prelims and actually taking it. I have been truly blessed beyond measure to have God by my side every step of the way, walking with me in very tiring and stressful times. 

In the last week, I have had sleepless nights, moments of anxiety and feelings of inadequacy. There came a point in time that I felt so burnt out, I just didn't feel like doing anything. There were nights when I was so tired and yet, I would toss and turn in bed for close to 4 hours (most probably due to anxiety).

But with every such experience that came my way, I felt God's presence. It wasn't possible to explain it. God carried me through. I still remembered noting down my feelings close to Prelims (a habit I recently picked up in order for me to look back and be more appreciative of past experience, good and bad) and as I looked back on them, I saw the phrase "preparation for A Levels" constantly appear. I felt unprepared, un-ready and definitely inadequate for A Levels, let alone the Prelims. I was lost and pretty frustrated that I hadn't started preparing earlier. Yet, as I begin my Prelims, God took that off my mind. That fear disappeared. It isn't gone totally and there are still feelings of inadequacy but God allowed me to see things differently and this sentence stuck with me through the Prelims, "The more time you take to worry about things that won't be solved by worrying about them, the less you can do to change the circumstances" I must admit that I had not been able to dedicate everything that I was doing to God but it was a step in the right direction. 

Overall, I ended the week well with Bible Study (Something I honestly look forward to every week) with a great bunch. With all the honest sharing that everyone has to offer, I am glad to be able to share my deepest thoughts with them and I am glad to have grown with them through Secondary School. 

Allow me to end off with this verse:

Matthew 6:34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Do not worry about tomorrow, not because it will get better, but because we know that in the grand scheme of things, we enter different seasons of life. You hear the phrase, "God has a plan for you". But it is not your job or your entitlement to know what is to come for us (God does not owe us a living and neither do we make up the whole world) The days may not get better but we only need to know that God will be by our side, every step of the way, whether you feel it or not :)

Discernment: Week 2

Tonight's Bible Study was taken slightly differently and one of the main take backs from it was about this idea  of our relationship with God. The main way we treat and see God (Father, Best Friend, Guide) is an indication of what we are inclined to. For instance, in my case, I see Him more as a friend above the rest. This would be an indicator of how I treasure my friends and how important these type of relationships are to me. I guess I have always treated friendships as something close to my heart and sometimes, it will be extremely painful if I do lose a friend who is close to my heart. 

This made me reflect about the what ifs in my life. What if one day, I had to choose between God and one of my close friends? What if I had to give up a friendship? And this made me wonder, would I be able to do it? Maybe not. But the first thing that came to mind was the book of Job. You see, we all know and understand that the Book of Job talks about a Godly man going through difficult times and how we was encouraged by his friends and loved ones to deny and curse God. Yet, he stood his ground because he truly believed in Him and loved Him no matter what circumstances he was in. But what most people don't know is what was recorded in the Bible with regards to what his friends (Bildad, Eliphaz) said to Job which may have seemed harmless to them but was pretty harmful to Job's faith. They made him question his own God and said things like, you are sinful therefore you went through all the hardships, etc. Yet, through it all, Job was able to stick close to his faith. Funny thing was, he did doubt and there was uncertainty in his heart but it did not stay there for long. I guess this teaches us that our paths are guided by the Almighty Father and there may come a day in which we would possibly need to give up our friendships. Though I may pray that will never happen, it is always a possibility. May what I do continue to be pleasing in His sight :)

People by my side

The upcoming week is gonna be one that is filled with a lot of action and beyond the glitz and the glamour, I want to take the time to thank the people who have been there for me one way or another. For some, I have known them for years (almost my whole life), others, I have known for as short as 1 year. Whoever you are, you have changed my life one way or another. 

On to my first group (No order of merit)...

So yesterday was the Founders' Award Presentation Ceremony and it gave me the opportunity to reflect all that has been done with this batch of Boys and it made me look back on the things that have happened. It then brought me back to Friday's Bible Study Discussion where we talked about regrets and whether we should or should not have done certain things and it made me question, Could I have done more with this batch of Boys? Could I have change more lives if I had put in more effort? Unfortunately, the answer would always be a resounding "YES".

When it comes down to mentorship, we will ALWAYS have regret and we will always look back and say that things could have been better. But, I believe that that is what makes mentoring all the more fulfilling. Mentoring isn't so much about doing the best action or being the perfect mentor. Mentoring is about giving and taking. We give to the people we mentor, through our everyday behaviours, actions, attitudes and words. We take back the lessons we learn from each and every experience we have with those we mentor. Trying to achieve a perfect mentorship is delusional. Instead, we should aim to be good mentors. And this batch taught me this.

In 2013, when I completed my role as a COS, I thought that I was done. I was ready to hang up my Uniform (the dark blue one) and move on. Something compelled me to return, something in me made me come back. It was the Presidents' Award. It wasn't the people I had been with for 2 years who made me want to come back to serve. It was the award (as mentioned in my previous post "Thinking back about the Old BB Days". But as I walked a different journey in the last 2 years, this group of Boys showed me many things and taught me much about myself. Whenever I was too focused on the award, they brought me back down to Earth. They showed me that I, just like them, had much to learn. They shared with me their individual troubles (sometimes this required a bit of probing) and I did too, with them. They showed me that I could not be a leader who would just simply talk and not do (as I often did in the past and may still do so today). They showed me their passion and I'm glad they did.

There came a point in time in the journey when I realised that not everything I said, would result in them following it or simply taking my word for it. This showed me that I needed more than just words. I needed wise words that could be followed. Through this, they trained me to be more observant, a greater critical thinker and more empathetic towards those around me.

All the small and brief interactions with each one of them (some, more than others) showed me that each and everyone of them was unique in their own ways. Even when I fell short of their expectations, they carried on and walked with me. I am truly proud to say, that they have made a deep impact in my life.

At the end, I will say that my journey in the last 2 years was not once, smooth-sailing. There were ups and downs the whole way but yet, I wouldn't have had it any other way (as cliché as it sounds) I believe I learnt more from them (about myself) than they did from me and I pray that even as they soon enter a new stage in their lives, they will not only focus on being great mentors but also to be even better learners. Thank You for teaching me so much.

The Hectic Week

It was one of the most straining weeks I have had in the year, and yet, I could feel the Lord truly working in my life and guiding me through. 

Allow me to explain the events which have occurred:

I led worship for the very first time for Youth Sunday and it was an interesting experience and it allowed me to take the time off studying and preparing for Mid Years to truly focus on God and the experiences that came with my every day life. After that, it was back to preparing for Mid Years. After Mid Years, on Wednesday, the remainder of my family returned from USA.

The last week was interesting because of only one reason. I tried to live my life differently for the week. I promised myself that, everyday, I would start the day by praying in the morning, ensuring that I would dedicate the day to the Lord and remember that no matter the events of the day, good or bad, I would be able to honour Him. I did so because after typing out my previous blog post, I realised it was time to follow through with the things which I talked about. As such, I made a conscious effort to dedicate each day to the Lord before it started. But this made me think, why did I have to make a "conscious effort" to dedicate it to the Lord? What was stopping me from making it a priority so that was something that was a "thought of the week" kind of thing.

Next, we move onto Mid Years. As usual, any Exam for me has always been disastrous for me. I have never come out of any Secondary School/ JC Exam thinking: "Oh Yeah! Definitely A" However, the examination this time felt different. Besides the fact that this was probably one of the hardest examinations I have ever taken (Let's not harp on it any longer), it was probably one of the most "comforting" examinations I have ever taken. Not the paper. Definitely. It was how I took the papers. It truly felt like God was guiding me every step of the way. He never told me that I would definitely get the A but the thing which resonated in my mind throughout the 3 days were,"I will be with you". I was fine with that. It meant that I would probably not get the best grades, or may even be required to go for extra classes but it showed me that through it all, He was with me. I don't think that magical A Grades will suddenly appear if I don't put my best into it (Not that it won't happen. Just. Unlikely). But regardless of the result, I know that He was with me. I have started to show my frustration with my results when my Math Teacher made us redo our Math Paper in class on Friday (Despite not even getting the paper back) but I guess, it's time to be a little more thankful rather than angry with the circumstances.

And then, it all ended with Parade and Bible Study on Friday. I was supposed to go back to pick up something from one of my Boys (my friends find this weird because it sounds odd) and to my surprise, he gave me a nice chocolate and a really thoughtful note. Allow me to give you the context: I was the Primer In Charge of his Batch (Secondary 4 Batch'15) and I was in charge of him as one of the batch members. I struggled in mentoring and guiding him because I was constantly over-aggressive, harsh and extremely unforgiving. And yet, yesterday, through his actions, he showed me a lot about what the BB has done for him despite all that has happened (Situation was rather complex). It reminded me why I was serving back in the BB and what compelled me to continue my journey and the reason was simple: I was changed spiritually, somewhat physically and emotionally through the whole programme and I wanted to give back.

After that, it was Bible Study and it was one of the most thought-provoking discussions we have had thus far. We are studying the Book of Discernment by Henri Nouwen and we talked about many things. We then went on to the topic of the Joy that we can find in the Lord. And I realised that, from Psalms 51: 12 which states:

Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

I realised at that very point in time that much of sin in today's world is largely caused by the inability for us to find joy in the Lord. We seek popularity, sex, and many other worldly things to make up for the joy which we think is missing in our life and yet, in front of us, the joy of the Lord, of what He did at the cross, has been there the whole time. It was a great reminder for me.

This week wasn't easy. But I wouldn't have had it any other way. Praise the Lord!