I have been pretty busy the last few weeks, preparing for Prelims and actually taking it. I have been truly blessed beyond measure to have God by my side every step of the way, walking with me in very tiring and stressful times.
In the last week, I have had sleepless nights, moments of anxiety and feelings of inadequacy. There came a point in time that I felt so burnt out, I just didn't feel like doing anything. There were nights when I was so tired and yet, I would toss and turn in bed for close to 4 hours (most probably due to anxiety).
But with every such experience that came my way, I felt God's presence. It wasn't possible to explain it. God carried me through. I still remembered noting down my feelings close to Prelims (a habit I recently picked up in order for me to look back and be more appreciative of past experience, good and bad) and as I looked back on them, I saw the phrase "preparation for A Levels" constantly appear. I felt unprepared, un-ready and definitely inadequate for A Levels, let alone the Prelims. I was lost and pretty frustrated that I hadn't started preparing earlier. Yet, as I begin my Prelims, God took that off my mind. That fear disappeared. It isn't gone totally and there are still feelings of inadequacy but God allowed me to see things differently and this sentence stuck with me through the Prelims, "The more time you take to worry about things that won't be solved by worrying about them, the less you can do to change the circumstances" I must admit that I had not been able to dedicate everything that I was doing to God but it was a step in the right direction.
Overall, I ended the week well with Bible Study (Something I honestly look forward to every week) with a great bunch. With all the honest sharing that everyone has to offer, I am glad to be able to share my deepest thoughts with them and I am glad to have grown with them through Secondary School.
Allow me to end off with this verse:
Matthew 6:34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Do not worry about tomorrow, not because it will get better, but because we know that in the grand scheme of things, we enter different seasons of life. You hear the phrase, "God has a plan for you". But it is not your job or your entitlement to know what is to come for us (God does not owe us a living and neither do we make up the whole world) The days may not get better but we only need to know that God will be by our side, every step of the way, whether you feel it or not :)
